Question by tj scenes. Shared under a Creative Commons License.
When I was a kid, my nickname was “I KNOW.” I know, that’s hard to imagine.
Oops…there I go again. 😉
I got that nickname for notoriously interrupting everyone’s explanations with, “I know…I know…” I didn’t need help understanding the law of gravity or how to drive a car or how to do algebraic equations….I just knew that stuff. Naturally.
Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. I obviously didn’t know everything (as evidenced by my inability to do algebraic equations to this day). However, I prided myself so much on the random tidbits of information that I did know–the stuff that made me a killer Quiz Bowl teammate or Jeopardy contestant wannabe–that it was hard to admit when I didn’t understand something or if I needed help.
Some would say that in my twenty-something years of being a Christian, my thirty-something years of sitting through numerous sermons/Sunday School lessons, and in my 14 years of being married to a pastor that I should have this God stuff figured out by now.
Quite honestly, the more that I study, I find that I have more questions than answers. The hardest part for me has not been not knowing the answers, but being okay with not knowing the answers. Eventually, I had let go of my compulsion to always be right or have my beliefs wrapped up in a pretty box with a bow on top. If I think for a moment that I’m supposed to be able to completely understand the mind of God or His purposes/plan/methods, then I have exalted myself as being equal with Him. That’s grounds for crucifixion, my friends, and I’m pretty sure only one Guy could accurately make those claims.
One of the things that I most respect about my husband (as a pastor) is his ability to sometimes say “I don’t know” when asked a question. He’ll spend time studying it further or, when all else fails, he’ll use his red phone that has a direct line to God (I wish!), but there are plenty of questions that have no definitive answers, plenty of times when a best quess may be the only thing he has to offer in the end.
Is it exasperating to think that I will spend all of my days on earth chasing God and never fully understanding Him? Yes, but there is also great freedom in that thought as well.
I’m never going to have all the answers…but I’m okay with that. After all, what good is a faith that requires no faith?