Diary by kevinspencer. Adapted and shared under a Creative Commons License.
1. I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on the sermon. It’s hard to resist a man in a suit (if said man is your husband)
2. I may not know your name/who you are, but I will smile and act like I do. “Fake it until you make it,” is my motto. I reserve the right to give you a private nickname until I figure out your real name. Once, I gave nicknames to an entire search committee: Bald Man, Poofy-Haired Lady, Old Man, and The-Woman-That-Owned-That-One-Store, etc. Never fear: I eventually learned their names, and I will eventually learn yours, too. Please have mercy on my forgetful brain. Unlike The Husband (who somehow was blessed with superhuman name-recall powers), I am much better with faces than names. I’ll get there…eventually!
3. I feel guilty if I miss a church service, even if it is for a valid reason.
4. I’m afraid that my kids will get tired of being “drug to church” or start feeling resentment and/or disillusionment with the church…but I bet I’d feel the same way even if I weren’t a minister’s wife.
5. I sometimes say things that make people go all bug-eyed on me…like the time I called the Samaritan woman a “hoochie mama” during Sunday School. Also, there was a night when we were hanging out with a bunch of friends from church (deacons included) and I called someone a “prick.” In my defense, I was in my early twenties and thought it was another word for “punk.” After the immediate scolding from my husband and the explosion of laughter from everyone else, I learned the urban dictionary definition. So apparently, I am a loose cannon waiting to explode at every inopportune time. A ministry liability, if you will. Sorry, Husband! 😉
6. I have never, ever served on a church committee. On one hand, it’s great that I don’t have to be that one “go-to” person who fills in the gaps (it happens a lot for pastor’s wives, especially in smaller churches). On the other hand, I kind of feel left out.
7. The church directory? The one with photographs? I don’t care how old and outdated it is, it’s a preacher’s wife’s best friend. (See #2).
8. I feel enormous pressure to have my children spit-polished and on their best Emily Post-approved behavior at all times….even though they like to throw temper-tantrums or pout or talk with their mouths full on occasion like every other normal kid on the planet.
9. I also feel a lot of pressure to bring really delicious food to potlucks, especially meat-based dishes. I don’t know why. I fear having too many desserts and not enough protein, I suppose.
10. When my husband first became a pastor after leaving youth ministry (I was in my mid-twenties), I mourned. I sincerely thought that I needed to clean out my closet and start shopping at Sears. I believed that in order to be a preacher’s wife, one must exchange t-shirts for “blouses” and jeans for polyester dress pants. Thank GOODNESS I didn’t act on those feelings and they eventually blew over. That would have been disastrous.
11. I sometimes resent people for dying and/or having a crisis at an inconvenient time. Isn’t that horrible? Many times, our family plans have been postponed or rearranged due to funerals or whatnot. I know people aren’t deliberately trying to sabotage my arrangements, but it’s so frustrating, especially if we didn’t really know the person that passed. My PK friend told me a story about the time her father had three back-to-back funerals, causing them to postpone their vacation for a week (or maybe causing them to miss it all together?). Now, my greatest fear is getting a call of some sort as we are leaving for our annual much-needed vacation. I would be devastated if that happened. And yes, I do feel like a terrible, selfish person for feeling this way.
12. I don’t like to be called “Preacher’s Wife” or “Pastor’s Wife” in lieu of my real name. I mean, if someone said, “I was talking to the preacher’s wife…” because he couldn’t remember my name, that’s perfectly acceptable. However, if you say, “How are you, Pastor’s Wife?”…that makes me clench my teeth a little. Would you like me to refer to you as “Accountant’s Husband” or “Car Dealer’s Wife?” Megan is fine, thanks! 🙂
13. Being miles away from family can be tough, especially when you can’t get away on weekends (because of church) to visit. I am so thankful that our church family always steps up and acts as surrogate family to us. I’ve had people deliver soup and Gatorade when we’ve all been puking with a stomach bug. I’ve had several ladies who have become stand-in grandma’s to my girls. I always have a person or two that I can count on to be my emergency contacts. You’ll never know how much that means to us–that people are willing to fill in our family gaps.
14. I can’t think of one other profession where, when you move to a new place, you have instant connections, instant family. It’s great!
15. Being a preacher’s wife? It’s actually a pretty good life.
Got any confessions you need to make? (You don’t even have to be a preacher’s wife). Come on…this is a safe place. 😉