So, This Is What It Feels Like To Be 34

Birthday Cake by  Will Clayton.  Shared under a Creative Commons License.

Today, I am officially 34 years old. There. I said it. My age is now floating around the interwebs. Not that I am ashamed or distressed about turning 34. It actually feels rather insignificant, and also a little bit disappointing.

On one hand, I’m perfectly happy to be 34. It’s kind of like littlest bear’s porridge: not too hot (young), not too cold (old). Juuuuust right. Old enough to get a little respect, young enough to wear short shorts. 😉

On the other hand, when I pictured what my life would look like at 34, I didn’t picture this.

Well, I kinda sorta pictured this: a nice house, a beautiful family, a husband that treats me like a queen, an obedient weenie dog who doesn’t dig up my yard or bark too much, friends that encourage me and make me laugh… My life is a pretty good one.

It’s just that I thought I’d be doing something by now. Third Grade Megan would have guessed that I would be all NASA-fied at this age–an official astronaut with a cool jumpsuit. High School Graduate Megan would have thought that I’d be inspiring young minds in the classroom by now. Mama Megan would have hoped that she’d have her household management down to an art so that things would be able to run on autopilot when she’s not around. Christian Megan would have guessed that she’d have more answers than questions by now. She’d also probably ask me why I’ve gotten so lazy lately. World Traveler Megan…well, she’d nod her head in approval at the places I’ve been and seen, but Fitness Megan would have been disappointed in how far I’ve fallen from the healthy lifestyle we implemented a few years ago. Photographer Megan would wonder why I let running a business ruin my creative juices and why I rarely pic up my camera anymore. Scholastic Megan would have wondered why I’m not doing any freelance writing or why I’m not working as a librarian.

Remember when I mentioned that post on being in the Land of InBetween? I feel like I’m there. I’m kind of just stuck. I’m not unhappy, I’m just in limbo. I don’t know where I’m headed, and because I don’t have a direction, I feel very unproductive. At every other point in my life, I’ve had dreams or goals. Now, I feel like I’m just waiting around for God to show me whether or not he has any special plans for me like he did for Jeremiah.

Don’t get me wrong, after years of exhausting hustle-and-bustle, I have quite enjoyed this past year of reflection and rest, but I feel like I should be impacting more lives than I am. My circle of influence seems too small and too “Christian.” I’m pretty sure God doesn’t want me to stay in my happy, little bubble.

So…I’m waiting for a word. Until then, I’m going to kick back and laugh about how Kid Megan would have thought 34 was one step away from death, and how I’d like to go back and tell her that 34 is pretty much the same as being 12 except you have a grown-up’s body. Then, I’m going to go eat the delicious caramel-filled milk chocolates that my husband gave me this morning and work on expanding that grown-up body just a little bit more. 😉

Are you where you expected to be at this point in your life?

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14 Responses to So, This Is What It Feels Like To Be 34

  1. Amy D. says:

    First…. Happy Birthday.

    Second…. No

    I never desired to have children, I have 4.

    I never desired to be married. I have been married for 13 years.

    I never thought I would be older than 16… I’m 36.

    I always thought I would have a house, I just didn’t expect everyone to destroy it. LOL.

    Oh, I never thought my house would be clean…. but it is. Now if I could just get the trim up. 😉

    • Megan says:

      Funny how it works that way…though I would like to know your secrets for a clean house. It’s a neverending circus around here.

      • Amy D. says:

        All day school? Lots of electronics? I secretly beat them?

        LOL… seriously, our huge problem was papers. They were EVERYWHERE. And my kids HATE it when I nag them about picking stuff up. I have gotten to the point where I get them out of bed. They used to be bad about throwing wrappers on the floor. Since I started getting them out of bed to clean it up, that stopped.

  2. Jessica says:

    I’m not 34. But we can be partners in limbo crime together. 😉

  3. Happy birthday!! I love your thought on this. I’ve had most of the same, but don’t always come out so positive at the end. 🙂

    • Megan says:

      Well, to be honest…neither do I. But, I’m trying to be more of a “glass half full” instead of a “glass half empty” kind of gal. 😉

  4. Oh, Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday!!!!

    I know just how you feel in that in-between state. I kinda feel like that myself. I am trying to work myself out of that state, but it seems I’m floating it, waiting for God to give me a push. I feel like I know what God wants from me, but this just isn’t the time for it to happen. I try to remember that there’s a season for everything, but I’m terribly impatient. Hang in there! God will lead you to your dream.

    Hope you enjoyed a wonderful day today! Many happy wishes for a blessed year ahead.

  5. Emily says:

    Happy Birthday! And yep, we are SO in the same place. You just explained it way better. 🙂 Honestly, I’ve never been able to envision my life more than a year or so out, but there are definitely some things I would like to have accomplished by now that I haven’t. But, I’m learning to appreciate some of the things I’ve accomplished and realizing that things I took for granted (marriage, motherhood, keeping a house) are a lot more work and much bigger accomplishments than I use to think!!!!!

    • Megan says:

      You’re right–those things take WAY more time and energy, but sadly, some people sometimes make juggling it all look easy which just makes me feel worse… 😦

  6. DaenelT says:

    Happy Birthday, Megan! Isn’t it funny how our perspective on age changes as we get older? I’m 38 and I remember my twin sister and I crying when we turned 32 (I don’t know why 32 was soooo hard for us). LOL But we bawled our eyes out. But we both know that life gets better and each day lived is a blessing.

    I want you to know that I’ve given you the Stylish Blogger Award because I enjoy reading your reflections on faith. The way you explain, question and think out loud about the Bible is refreshing, entertaining and informative. I hope others gain as much from your words as I have. Never doubt that you aren’t reaching others.

  7. Pingback: The Answer | Faith Like Mustard

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