Becoming a Happy Homemaker

I hate being a homemaker. There. I said it.

Home Sweet Home by Jamiesrabbits.  Shared under a Creative Commons License.

Actually, that’s a bit of an overstatement. I enjoy working at home and taking care of my family–I really do!–but it’s such a discouraging “profession.” I hate that there are no defined parameters of success. I loved being a student because, in school, I understood what was required in order to be successful. I followed those steps, made an “A” (hopefully) and then I was forever victorious in that endeavor.

Not so in homemaking. I may be successful on Monday–house dusted, laundry put away, dishes washed, dinner cooked–only to wake up on Tuesday to complete disarray…or at least semi-disarray. Or what about the weeks when your house is in perfect order 6 out of 7 days, but a long-lost relative or friend shows up on your doorstep the ONE DAY that everything is a mess. UGH! Having to start all over every day makes me feel weary. It’s all one step forward, two steps back…

What does it mean to be a successful homemaker, anyway? Does it mean that every single thing is crossed off your to-do list? Does it mean that your home is decorative, comfortable and inviting? Does it mean that you always have healthy meals prepared? Does it mean that you are able to juggle the schedules of four people effortlessly? Does it mean that your family is adequately cared for even if all the chores aren’t done? Does it just mean that your husband and kids get the bare minimum–clean undies and a frozen pizza for dinner–but an abundance of quality time? Success is so undefined and subjective in the world of homemaking. I like specific goals, not generalities. 

There’s also the fact that I am a perfectionist at heart. The psychological term for my “condition” is called “discouraged perfectionist” (Dr. Kevin Leman gives this title to people who constantly set unrealistically high expectations for themselves which ultimately leads to failure). So, that doesn’t help.

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom (current season of life), full-time working mom, and part-time work-from-home mom. No matter my occupational status, I have always felt a strong commitment to the care and keeping of my family, and–no matter my occupational status–the frustration over my home management has always been lingering.

By now, you’re probably wondering why I won’t shut-up about homemaking. If you think I’m about to go all FlyLady on you, think again. This is, after all, a blog about faith.

I recently stumbled upon a new e-book: “31 Days to Clean: Having a Martha House the Mary Way” written by Sarah Mae of Like a Warm Cup of Coffee.  It’s not a cleaning manual, it’s an attitude adjustment manual. I’m much more in need of the latter because I’m very much a Martha in all areas of my life (read: “control freak”).

I’ve only just begun to read the book, and I’ve already been whopped upside the head with this quote:

“The heart of our homes is not in the ability to keep it perfect at all costs; the heart of the home is love.” 

~Sara Mae, 31 Days to Clean

BAM! Sucker punched!

Here’s the deal: it is clear to me that this season of my life is primarily for homemaking. I need to learn to like it. I need to change my thinking. I need to quit pouting about it. I need to get a new vision and look at this opportunity through God’s eyes. I need to forgo imperfection and pursue life, as Sarah Mae says so well.

I’m planning to join Christin at Joyful Mothering for a 31 Days of Clean Homemakers Challenge starting May 1 . Remember, this is not about cleaning…it’s about being less Martha-ish and more Mary-like. It’s about learning to love our families well. It’s about ministering to those nearest and dearest to us.

Want to join in the fun? Check out Christin’s post about the challenge (more details coming soon), and purchase the e-book (it’s only $4.99!). Together we’ll be reading through the book, doing the Mary/Martha challenges (one spiritual/one practical) and blogging about it occasionally.

 {Pssssstttt….Sarah Mae’s also hosting an awesome giveaway on her blog: free copies of her book, gift cards and more!}